If you’ve watched any of the Men in Black films you’ll be familiar with a wee device Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith use called a ‘Neuralyser’, a small pen like device they use to wipe the memory of anyone who came in contact with them.
This erases anything that can be used against the MIB, a sort of safety valve.
I’m convinced the glib and shameless liar that is Dave King, the man Gullibears have put their trust in, has one of these devices and uses it on the SMSM.
The minute ‘Teflon Dave’ touches down on these shores, the succulent lamb brigade bow and prepare themselves to follow orders. If anyone dare question King about his previous convictions, or his investment boasts or anything at all he doesn’t like, the criminal chairman brings out his very own Neuralyser and zaps the offending hack.
This is the only explanation for the way the SMSM treat him. He’s lorded by the media as if he’s some sort of saviour, a Messiah type figure, who can spout as much shite as he likes, knowing it’ll be treated like a prophecy.
His latest trick is t produce fag packet accounts, that in reality show a loss, but are somehow reported by the obedient laptop loyal as showing a profit.
Ordinary folks can see the rouse, but his target audience, the Gullibears can’t. They hang on his every word. Teflon is back in town and he wants their money.
While March is traditionally lambing season, down Ibrox way, it’s more like fleecing season…
They never fail. And we’ve seen it all before. Since Sevco managed to steal a point at Celtic Park, all we’ve heard about is how their season has turned around, and with a new manager, they could finish on a high.
Currently 33 points adrift of Champions Celtic, and trailing Aberdeen in second by eight points, the wonderful SMSM would have you believe the new man Pedro will work wonders with a squad that a even a guy with a magic hat couldn’t get to compete.
Among the Portuguese traits, who only a few weeks ago was an unknown, is his excellent command of the English language*. And to be fair, he does speak well, especially compared to the Real Rangers Men who rivaled him for the post, Barry Ferguson, Alex Rae, John Brown and Alex McLeish!
His Wikepedia like knowledge of Hamilton Accies and Alex Crawford in particular, had the Laptop Loyal drooling about his thorough he is, unlike that bad Mark Warburton. If only the same SMSM had used Google when Craig Whyte was marching down the Copeland Road….
Anyway, the Pedro Revolution is in full swing.
Second in the league with the Scottish Cup in the bag, after they dispose of Celtic in the semi-final, will see the Gullibears flogging their weans to buy season tickets.
Or maybe not. Reality will see them lucky to stay in third place, and a defeat at the hands of the Treble chasing Celts will bring poor puppet Pedro crashing back down to earth.
Still, he’ll have this month’s Manager of the Month award to look back on. His name is being inscribed on it as wee speak..
*Ronny Deila spoke good English but was never praise for it. And don’t let them compare Ronny and Pedro’s managerial record. Ronny came to Celtic as a league winner in Norway taking Stromgodset into the Champions League. Pedro on the other hand was out of contract in a few weeks having taken his team to FIFTH in the Quatari League.
SMSM issued new press passes this week..
Monsters, just like the one in Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein are usually created with the body parts of one or many former beings. Quite often they are gruesome and unpleasant on purpose, therefore they become somewhat menacing.
And Sevco/The Rangers are no different.
Despite the protestations of many lamb munchers in the SMSM and the rank and file Gullibears, the team that plays out of Ibrox are not the same as the one originally created in 1872. They died in 2012, and yesterday, just to put the final ‘nail in the coffin’, Lord Bannatyne said as much when he gave his verdict on the Coral v Kinloch case.
This court case came about after a mug punter, Mr Kinloch, with an element of inside knowledge bet Rangers (IL) would be relegated in 2012. He claimed that’s what happened when the new club were allowed entry to Division Three, and wanted his £250,000 payout.
Coral Bookmakers, of course disagreed and the case went to court.
Unlike previous court cases, in particular the sham that was the Lord Nimmo Smith inquiry, Lord Bannatyne was in possession of the full facts for this case.
His summation of what actually happened is below…
What you can gather from the Judge’s words is that Rangers (IL) were neither relegated or demoted as the SMSM would have you believe. They are a new club (Sevco/Rangers), put together with the body parts of Oldco Rangers, some players, the stadium, the colours, and more importantly the gullible fans who will believe the earth is flat if it suits them.
This Frankenstein like creation came about courtesy of the secret five-way agreement, involving RFC, SPL, SFL, SFA & Sevco, allowing the new monster entry into the third division without needing the regular qualifying criteria, like three years accounts.
It started of as a basket case and has continued to do so throughout it’s five-year existence, living month to month on emergency loans. The club continues to be a blight on our game, spending most of it’s time in dispute with broadcasters, authorities, both football and legal, while looking to operate under different rules from everyone else.
Maybe it’s time Dr Frankenstein returned to exterminate the monster and do us all a favour..
You’ve got to hand it to the new Sevco manager, Pedro, after watching his new charges only four times on tape and once in the flesh, he’s already come to the conclusion he has the best squad in Scottish Football.
Ignoring the fact his team lost two, won two and drew one of the five games, and the gap between them and the real best squad in Scotland is 33 points, Pedro looks to have all the qualities of a do as you’re told Sevconian. (ignoring facts are an essential quality for a Sevconian)
His inauguration speech was something Donald Trump would have been proud of. If only he said, ‘let’s make Rangers great again!’.
He did though touch on the subject of the Holy Grail, though he won’t be allowed to say Holy at Ibrox, a European trophy. Their obsession to emulate Celtic as European champions has killed one club out of Govan already, don’t tell me the new club are going down the same road…
Kidding aside, we all know that puppet Pedro was reading a carefully prepared script from Jabba. His prints are all over the feel good nonsense, designed specifically to take advantage of the Gullibears while they are still in their stupor after drawing with the soon to be six-in-a-row champions.
Pedro, under the orders of Traynor, is priming the Gullibears to get aye ready to part with their cash for season books. His best team, European trophy crap will be swallowed hook, line and sinker by the thickest supporters in world football.
It’s what they want to hear, so hell mend them when it all falls apart and King & Co are onto their next mug.
The SMSM have commented recently on the strained relationship between Celtic and Sevco, the worst its been for at least five years, although they’d have you believe it’s longer.
So in an effort to ease those tensions, the Faithful would like to extend the hand of friendship to the incoming Sevco manager, our Celtic brother Pedro Caixinha.
Pedro, who knows all about Celtic, is due to arrive in Glasgow from Doha at some point today after a delay in his travel paperwork, although nothing, except for laughs, is certain when it comes to Sevco!
And it’s still not clear if he’ll be presented to the media when he arrives or if to make him feel at home, they’ll wait until next Friday, March 17th….
Should Pedro 2*, attend Sunday’s derby match at Celtic Park, I’m sure the Celtic support will go out of our way to ease the pain of his decision by welcoming him with a rendition of ‘Pedro Caixinha’s Fenian Army’, a song he might already be familiar with…
Meanwhile the Gullibears will be getting ‘durty with Graeme Murty’. God help the toilets….
*Pedro 1 is of course Peter Lawwell.
There’s a saying, ‘you shouldn’t mock the afflicted’ and to be honest that’s quite commendable, unless it’s the Gullibears (the afflicted in this case).
You see, there once was a team called Rangers, who from 1873-2012 played football out of a place called Ibrox over in Glasgow’s South Side. In Govan to be precise.
Now this Rangers club thought they were better than everyone else, and didn’t need to play by the same rules as every other club that played in the same league as they did. It was a sense of entitlement if you like.
But through time another club from Glasgow’s East End, Celtic, came on the scene and took over the Rangers clubs’ mantle of top team. In fact they went further than that, they not only became the top dog in Scotland, but Europe too, winning the European Cup in 1967. Exactly 50 years ago.
This wonderful feat caused the Rangers club, now under the ownership of a Knight of the Realm (SDM) desperately wanted to be top dog again and decided the rules weren’t for them. Cheating was the only way to go.
From 1998 until their demise in 2012, the Rangers club used underhand and deceitful tactics to try and topple the magical Celtic, including playing players illegally registered and non-payment of social taxes.
Their mantra of throwing money at the problem would eventually lead to their extinction. Decades of overspending with money they didn’t have, simply to meet the demand of an ever more bitterly entitled support proved too much.
A new club emerged to play out of Ibrox, The Rangers (Sevco), and instead of learning from the mistakes of their predecessors, they too threw money at their team.
Their first manager, Ally McCoist, while bossing them in Scottish Football’s Division Three, was on a salary of over £15,000 a week, and was allowed to pay players unto £10,000 to play against part-timers.
Soon, the new club would be heading the same way as the old. Overspending and bad financial management has resulted in the club needing soft loans from directors to survive, and they’re only FIVE years old!
With the managerless club lurching from one disaster to another, the legend McCoist, who took circa £3-4M including shares out of the place, took the opportunity yesterday to give some sound financial advice to the current directors.
Spend, spend, spend was the message from the ‘Real Rangers Man’ who’s personal bank account will be a lot healthier than the team he claims to support.
And the the Gullibears will lap it all up……idiots.